Hogville

I seriously need to think about working for a English-as-a-primary-language company. Like in one of those Midwest states.

Standing in the breakroom looking at a pop machine with 23 of 37 compartments empty (I later counted for accuracy here) I decide to strike up a conversation with some lady who I stupidly assumed understood English. After all, I’m in the US. But in hindsight I’m in California and her looks and language told me she probably wasn’t born here.

Me: Wow, I see why everyone drinks coffee, there’s nothing in the pop machine.
Her: Oh, you wanta coffee? You-a haff makea cup. O (note not “Or”) you goa upstays and check room day-er.
Me: No, I mean there’s nothing in the pop machine so I see why people drink coffee.
Her: Yea. You go upstays and get coffee.
Me (pointing to machine): NO, I’m saying there’s no pop here.
Her: Oh. You want coffee?

I just walked away.

Thanks to TMZ.

Ok, this guy cracks me up. 78 minute performance for free.

If you’re at work use headphones and if you’re easily offended? Don’t bother.

http://houzton.com/russell_peters/

I think this about sums it up.

Do you think I saw this in Nebraska or California?

My wife and I have a Love/Hate relationship. I love her, she hates me.

That joke’s like a prostitute. It’s been done a thousand times, it’s probably worn out, but I love it.

Ok, I found information in 27 other places about this but these are my notes, so they go here. Plus I wanted to break it down and explain it to all the Saj’s out there (inside joke).

I needed to configure a static route on a couple of CentOS 5 servers today. I have a Nagios server on another network and was unable to get routing to work through a couple of F5 load balancers similar to the Radware’s we’ve always used. Basically you have to add/edit a file called /etc/sysconfig/network-scripts/route-eth0 and put the following in it.


GATEWAY0=10.10.10.252
NETMASK0=255.255.255.255
ADDRESS0=10.20.20.20


Translation:

…route-eth0 <-- These routes apply to this interface (eth0)
10.10.10.252 <-- Use this router instead of the F5's
255.255.255.255 <-- Use this route for just this one IP
10.20.20.20 <-- IP address of my Nagios server

And here's the part everyone leaves out. Afterwards you need to restart that interface. I like to just bounce the one interface instead of restarting networking and I do it all in one line as good practice.


ifdown eth0; ifup eth0


Enjoy.

I wish I could find an online copy of this comedian’s bit that I heard on LaughUSA on XM to give him credit, but I’m getting no love finding it. Anywho, he had this bit where he talked about relationships and how he learned early on that guys can either be Right or Happy, but not both. Ever. I’ll keep listenining and try to dig it up.

So anyways, the more I think about it, I think there should be a third part to this axiom, Quiet.

A man can be Right and Quiet, Happy and Quiet, but never Right and Happy, as that would assume he was talking. We all know what happens when men talk and form ideas, they’re Wrong.

So back to my story today. This morning I chose to be Right and Happy. Turns out I was Wrong. Now it’s going to be a long day.

Ok, so I think this category was screaming to be created. A little setup:

…driving around in Kansas City on vacation, thinking about my career and where I would like to live if I was forced to move from where I live now…

Me: I think I’d rather live in Minneapolis than Kansas City, what about you?
J: I like where we live now.

Thank you and good night. She’ll be here all week, tip your waitresses.

Too funny